Why Can’t You Let It Go

This is one of those age old questions that puzzles couples, kids, and parents alike. That question is: why can’t he/she just let it go? Or, more clearly stated: how come he/she keeps bringing up that point of contention with me? Do you find yourself wondering how come it (the sore point/subject) keeps getting brought up again and again by your loved ones??

We have more technology and electronic devices that allows us to communicate better than we have ever have, yet many of my clients report feeling more frustrated, invalidated or misunderstood than ever. Kids sometimes appear clueless as to why their parents are constantly nagging them to do their homework, clean their room, etc. I often ask couples to do an active listening exercise when they begin sessions with me. Often, the resulting outcome is a tearful response from their partner. The client was finally able to clearly state what was on their heart/mind to their loved one. How come? Perhaps it is because there is a facilitator (therapist) ensuring that the vital conversation happens without interruption.

What can I do to put my loved one’s concerns to rest?

1) Make a conscious effort to validate your loved one’s concern, fear, worry, etc **even if you find it difficult to identify with their view. People who feel heard, acknowledged, understood are: less defensive, or guarded, more cooperative and less irritable. All good things.

2) Refrain from discounting their concern or telling them to get over it. This may seem obvious to many, but I unfortunately hear about this frequently in my office.

3) Offer an apology. Again, this may seem like a rudimentary step, but many fail to apologize to each other. Their pride, stubbornness or need to be “right” gets in the way.

How to put these ideas into action?? I am glad that you asked. You can call me: 952-443-3970 for a brief free consultation or to schedule an appointment to aide resolution in your marriage, with your kids, or key relationships with others!!! Greg provides counseling for children, adolescents and adults.